chronicwomanMarch 28, 2021February 3, 2022

Living In The F-Wow

Things have been crazy. I worked 5 days 2 weeks ago (something I have not been able to do since 2005) and 20 hours last week and we have had the new puppy for a little over a week now. My husband’s best friend came to stay with us over the weekend, and we partied it up a wee bit more than usual. Now I am hurting and nervous. I am walking through the process of appealing a financial aid rejection but it does not look like I am going to graduate school. I already have a bachelor’s and they will not offer loans to take pre-requisite courses to get into a master’s program. So perhaps I am back to Spanish 102 & Journalism 101? Maybe this is for the better. Maybe going and jumping right in is not the best course of action for me. I am a little irritated but do not feel shattered or let down. Just a curious sense of discovery about what course my life is going to take as it settles and unfolds.

Speaking of which, I have felt very unsettled and disjointed these last 2 weeks. Very disconnected from the true self I felt I had just found. There was a lot of reflecting on the past but not much attention given to the future. I am still a bit bewildered and confused as to how I came to be here but don’t feel as stuck here as I once did. I see possibility and the beginning of better emerging slowly, if only can I step forward to claim it. I know it is up to me and it can be done. I attempt daily to live in faith, not fear. It is the key to success and happiness. It is the only way to live in harmony with your maker, and therefore yourself. Stepping out of what has been into what will be. And believing in the best possible outcome. Expect it. And do not settle for anything less.