The Super Bowl commercials this year were dumb. Usually they’re funny, or poignant, or heart-tugging. This year exactly two of them made me laugh and two of them made me tear up. That’s it. Everyone’s been raving about The Irishman. All the billboards told me it got 9 Academy Award nominations for best picture! I watched it and was furious I wasted three-and-a-half hours of my life on such a pointless journey. Aside from Al Pacino’s acting, I was not impressed. I’m sorry, were the women even invited to speak? Yet this is the stuff everyone thinks is groundbreaking…
I’m constantly on my own case for not engaging with society. Write a blog, I tell myself. Connect with people. Reach out. Go on Facebook. Post on Instagram. Tweet something funny or silly. None of it’s that hard. Yet I don’t. I remind myself that there are people in the world who care about me and I make no effort to reach into their lives. Why can’t I force myself to engage with what’s relevant? Is my social estrangement even necessary anymore, a condition of my ailments, or is my self-absorption pure habit. I’m not depressed. Is this a symptom of long-term bitterness?
But maybe it’s not me. Maybe my Super Bowl Irishmen experience showed me the world has just gotten stupid. No wonder I don’t want to engage. I don’t want to dumb down to intermingle with mainstream society. I’d rather sit in my isolated existence and write a book, praying one day it’s good enough for people to read. People in the world I’ve completely lost touch with. Don’t worry, the bigger picture of my conundrum isn’t lost on me.
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